The Lawmaker, the Coach, the Bookie Barber’s, and Me

When in a familiar place I at times can zone out and enter my own little world and not pay attention to my surroundings. The barbershop is one of these familiar places for me. I have been getting my hair cut at the same place, by the same two barbers from birth. These two men cut my dad’s hair and in turn gave me my first haircut and every other haircut since. As such I can walk in, sit down and fall asleep while they cut my hair. The shop itself is very much a man’s world with calendars with bikini clad women, cigar and pike smoke as well as very irreverent humor that most ladies would fund repulsive. (it is no wonder so many Baptists go there…sorry had to throw in a Baptist joke) Well the last trip I made to see them I was abruptly brought out of my lala land by the entrance of a mid thirties thug-neck (a thug-neck is a white male red neck who has embraced the hip hop lifestyle). As he began talking to one of the barbers I began to listen and found that this thug-neck was there to pay off a $500.00 wager on the Auburn game from the night before. Holy hell I suddenly felt as if I was in the middle of a back room gambling den. Nervousness set in but quickly went away.

I have known for a couple of years that friendly wagers were made at the shop but never of that amount. After the cash passed hands and more bets were discussed and placed I felt as if at any moment the vice squad would bust in. The conversation went on and slowed my haircut to a snail’s pace but I lived with it and enjoyed just sitting ease dropping. As the time passed I couldn’t help but to notice an autographed 2009 Alabama football prominently displayed on the counter. The signature to me was illegible and I paid no real attention to it the white and brown leather football with the Crimson A on it. As my visit continued I the barbers began discussing with the Thug-neck and I a recent visit to the shop by one of our local politicians who serves our district in Washington D.C. I have seen this lawmaker at the shop several times over the years and have had many conversations with him, he is a nice enough man but like most politicians no matter what party they are affiliated with I find them to be at times reprehensible. I last this man in January of this year(2010) just after He had locked his keys in his car. Classic, a well known lawmaker too scatter brained to keep up with his keys. It’s no wonder we have so many issues unresolved, and the priceless thing was his wife berating him when she brought him the spare set.

Well I again zoned out on the conversation as I was getting highly annoyed with Thug-neck and did not hear its conclusion but as paying for my haircut I found out. I asked the Barber as we were standing at the counter whose signature was on the football. The Barber proudly proclaimed, Nick Saban! He then told me that it was given to them this past week by the previously mentioned member of our Federal Legislative Branch, complete with a photograph of the two barber’s one on each side of our fine lawmaker holding the football. Nick Saban when visiting the White House and the US Legislature had given the signed memento of the undefeated 2009 season to the lawmaker, who in turn last week gave it to the barber’s. This gift seemed odd to me, and in my cynical mind it seems that that act of kindness could be seen as a payoff to a bookie. I mean wouldn’t you want to keep such a thing in your office for all to see? I’m sure it wasn’t a payoff, or related to gambling but you never know these days.

So that’s how you link the coach, the lawmaker, and the bookie barber’s.

“The football team at my high school, they were tough. After they sacked the quarterback, they went after his family.”

Back To School (1986) – Thornton Melon (Rodney Dangerfield)