Isn't it strange how a short week at work can sometimes be the worst. It seems it brings out the worst in some. Its like every corner gets cut and every trick is pulled to get it off of their desk an on to the next guys. This week though short has been a bear. I can honestly say I am so happy the weekend is here. Rather than moan on about the work week that was how about a tale of a work day from years past. This my friend is a true story only the names and locations have been changed to protect the not so innocent.
Wayne and his friend Albert met while working at Buy Me Toys during the 1995 Holiday season. After some time at the store both had achieved a level of respect from their peers and supervisors for being the kind of men to get the job done. They were "Top Men". From resetting the stores warehouse, to building bikes, unloading trucks and assisting the ever important customers who let their children shit on the playground displays(that's another story for another day).
As the 1996 holiday season approached one of the hot items was the Holiday Barbie. It would be limited to only a couple of hundred per store. Wayne's Niece had expressed an interest in having one be under her Christmas tree. So Wayne thinking he was well respected and doubtful he would be denied such a small request asked a Buy Me Toys manager if one could be set aside. Well Wayne received a harsh "NO!!! Those are limited and our customers get first shot at purchasing them". Wayne took this well and went about his business. Later that week while working the late shift unloading one of three 18 wheelers received that night Wayne noticed three Holiday Barbies set aside in the secure area in the store front. Each had a note. Each was reserved for a member of Buy Me Toys management. This outraged Wayne who promptly found Albert to vent his frustrations. By this time Albert had only known Wayne a little more than a year but in that year he had learned how to sharpen Wayne up and get his anger flowing.
A few hours pass and box after box rolls off of the trucks and up a 50 foot conveyor belt to the top floor warehouse when suddenly what should appear but a case of Holiday Barbies. Wayne's face went flush then suddenly turned hot as the gears of war turned in his head. The immaculate unopened case of Holiday Barbies was set aside to be moved to the secure area in front of the store. It is unclear now how conversation between the two went but I am sure of this, Albert and Wayne were up to no good. Wayne hatched a plan to destroy and make noncollectable the pristine case of Holiday Slut bag dolls. This case of dolls would pay for the wrong that others had done.
Quickly Wayne grabbed a long steel rod with a hook at the end that was used to pull box's from high shelves. Before he could reason that what he was doing was wrong the long metal rod had penetrated deep into the case raping through box after box containing doll after slutty Santa suited doll. Albert gave into the plastic murdering frenzy and joined in the destruction with glee. They each stabbed and punctured the box over and over each time letting out a delightfully sinister laugh.
The glorious execution of the case of Holiday Barbies caused a shortage of the prized doll and resulted in two of the three set aside for the managers to be sold to the customers instead. A small victory in Wayne's mind. A hell of a lot of fun was had that night in the Buy Me Toys just like on many other nights. A simpler time. A simpler job and two friends having fun at the expense of others. What more can you ask for.
As always I want to leave you with a quote from a movie I really enjoy.
Mallrats
[Jay and Silent Bob are hiding from La Fours]
Jay: Is he gone?
Brodie: Halfway to Buy Me Toys by now.
[they come out of hiding]
Jay: Man, that bastard's faster than Walt Flanagan's dog...
Wayne and his friend Albert met while working at Buy Me Toys during the 1995 Holiday season. After some time at the store both had achieved a level of respect from their peers and supervisors for being the kind of men to get the job done. They were "Top Men". From resetting the stores warehouse, to building bikes, unloading trucks and assisting the ever important customers who let their children shit on the playground displays(that's another story for another day).
As the 1996 holiday season approached one of the hot items was the Holiday Barbie. It would be limited to only a couple of hundred per store. Wayne's Niece had expressed an interest in having one be under her Christmas tree. So Wayne thinking he was well respected and doubtful he would be denied such a small request asked a Buy Me Toys manager if one could be set aside. Well Wayne received a harsh "NO!!! Those are limited and our customers get first shot at purchasing them". Wayne took this well and went about his business. Later that week while working the late shift unloading one of three 18 wheelers received that night Wayne noticed three Holiday Barbies set aside in the secure area in the store front. Each had a note. Each was reserved for a member of Buy Me Toys management. This outraged Wayne who promptly found Albert to vent his frustrations. By this time Albert had only known Wayne a little more than a year but in that year he had learned how to sharpen Wayne up and get his anger flowing.
A few hours pass and box after box rolls off of the trucks and up a 50 foot conveyor belt to the top floor warehouse when suddenly what should appear but a case of Holiday Barbies. Wayne's face went flush then suddenly turned hot as the gears of war turned in his head. The immaculate unopened case of Holiday Barbies was set aside to be moved to the secure area in front of the store. It is unclear now how conversation between the two went but I am sure of this, Albert and Wayne were up to no good. Wayne hatched a plan to destroy and make noncollectable the pristine case of Holiday Slut bag dolls. This case of dolls would pay for the wrong that others had done.
Quickly Wayne grabbed a long steel rod with a hook at the end that was used to pull box's from high shelves. Before he could reason that what he was doing was wrong the long metal rod had penetrated deep into the case raping through box after box containing doll after slutty Santa suited doll. Albert gave into the plastic murdering frenzy and joined in the destruction with glee. They each stabbed and punctured the box over and over each time letting out a delightfully sinister laugh.
The glorious execution of the case of Holiday Barbies caused a shortage of the prized doll and resulted in two of the three set aside for the managers to be sold to the customers instead. A small victory in Wayne's mind. A hell of a lot of fun was had that night in the Buy Me Toys just like on many other nights. A simpler time. A simpler job and two friends having fun at the expense of others. What more can you ask for.
As always I want to leave you with a quote from a movie I really enjoy.
Mallrats
[Jay and Silent Bob are hiding from La Fours]
Jay: Is he gone?
Brodie: Halfway to Buy Me Toys by now.
[they come out of hiding]
Jay: Man, that bastard's faster than Walt Flanagan's dog...
